[ she can see it, the moment clara falls to pieces — the foundation of a woman that had been held together by little more than sheer determination, built on the crumbling bricks her bravery has become. like trying to hold a home together with string and clay alone. for as little love as her life has known, alina moves reflexively, instantly. an arm tangles itself around clara's waist, tugging her in where alina holds her tethered to her chest.
to the lull of her heartbeat, soft and steady. as though even her body senses her attempts to calm clara, beating to the tune of its own lullaby. she can't guard her from the fate that waits for her, no — but she can give clara a hiding place. where her tears are shielded from sight, a weakness she doesn't have to hold at bay, ashamed. it leaves a pooling stan on the front of alina's dress, a flowery pattern that catches clara's tears like they're dewdrops on petals.
but she doesn't flinch, doesn't shift. only buries her nose in the soft silk of clara's hair, palm planted flat against her spine. there's nothing she can say to soothe that fear — hadn't she dreaded, once, that mal had abandoned her in his past? moved past the memory of her so easily? but what clara speaks of is more permanent, more — real, and not the letters aleksander had burned to ash, to scorch away those ties to her old life. to cruelly let her believe in a lie.
she doesn't offer one to clara, either. there's no it will be okay or it won't hurt — it won't be, and it will. clara must know the truth of that. all alina can do is listen, lend her the strength to piece herself back together at the end of it all. (it doesn't feel like enough, but when has she ever done enough?) ]
You leave a mark on the lives you enter, Clara. If he doesn't have his memories left, I have to believe a part of him will always remember how you made him feel. You're unforgettable.
[ but maybe that's fantasy. maybe she's fooling herself, in turn, by wanting to believe this — this station, these strange ties they've all built — won't fully vanish as though they had never existed at all. her eyebrows crease, the quiet confusion obvious in her voice when she murmurs, ]
Why was it so important for him to forget you? Why would you force that on someone?
[ she doesn't have to ask how clara could withstand the pain. some love is larger than selfishness. some bravery outshines others. some destinies can't be outrun. ]
no subject
to the lull of her heartbeat, soft and steady. as though even her body senses her attempts to calm clara, beating to the tune of its own lullaby. she can't guard her from the fate that waits for her, no — but she can give clara a hiding place. where her tears are shielded from sight, a weakness she doesn't have to hold at bay, ashamed. it leaves a pooling stan on the front of alina's dress, a flowery pattern that catches clara's tears like they're dewdrops on petals.
but she doesn't flinch, doesn't shift. only buries her nose in the soft silk of clara's hair, palm planted flat against her spine. there's nothing she can say to soothe that fear — hadn't she dreaded, once, that mal had abandoned her in his past? moved past the memory of her so easily? but what clara speaks of is more permanent, more — real, and not the letters aleksander had burned to ash, to scorch away those ties to her old life. to cruelly let her believe in a lie.
she doesn't offer one to clara, either. there's no it will be okay or it won't hurt — it won't be, and it will. clara must know the truth of that. all alina can do is listen, lend her the strength to piece herself back together at the end of it all. (it doesn't feel like enough, but when has she ever done enough?) ]
You leave a mark on the lives you enter, Clara. If he doesn't have his memories left, I have to believe a part of him will always remember how you made him feel. You're unforgettable.
[ but maybe that's fantasy. maybe she's fooling herself, in turn, by wanting to believe this — this station, these strange ties they've all built — won't fully vanish as though they had never existed at all. her eyebrows crease, the quiet confusion obvious in her voice when she murmurs, ]
Why was it so important for him to forget you? Why would you force that on someone?
[ she doesn't have to ask how clara could withstand the pain. some love is larger than selfishness. some bravery outshines others. some destinies can't be outrun. ]