Ximilia Contact

[bossily]

// stargirl

TEXT • AUDIO • VIDEO

XIMILIA

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[peasant]

and why's that?

[bossily]

It's a good thing when you can take what you like without being apologetic about enjoying it.

[peasant]

[ only — there are some wants she should be ashamed of craving, some things she's taken that she should feel sickly guilty over enjoying. unseen, she pauses, mouth pursing. ]

wisdom you should follow
if i can do it so can you
probably even better than i can

[ while it's true, it's also — predictably — alina's way of rerouting this conversation away from herself and back onto clara. ]

[bossily]

[Clara easily recognizes that and lets the shift happen without protest]

Judging by the way things went with Kovacs? I'm not so sure I agree with that assertion.

[peasant]

okay, so new tactic
take what you want and enjoy it from someone who won't make it complicated?
as long as you both know what you want from it
people in the first army tumbled each other all the time without making it uncomfortable

it's really only a matter of time before the doctor realizes he's madly in love with you and comes running, anyway

[bossily]

what about you?

will you make it complicated?

[peasant]

is that what you want?

[ a rhetorical question, alina presumes, in all of its soft surprise; for all of clara's shaken insecurities, there's a momentum to her existence that seems unstoppable — aware of what she wants and barreling toward it. but it still serves as a shock to alina's system, any time she's the object of anyone's want. ]

you're my friend
you'll always be my friend
it doesn't have to be any more complicated than that

rhys allows me the freedom of being with whoever i want to be with
but i should warn you i don't know what i'm doing

[ wait — ]

with women, i mean

[bossily]

[Alina gives a proper response, and Clara is left unsure how to proceed. She had been expecting Alina to give a more flustered answer and change the subject. It takes Clara a moment to respond.]

i don't know what i want

or what i truly need

i've been out of sorts since coming back to the ximilia a couple of months ago. i've been so desperate to not be alone, to feel truly alive again, that i've made so many wrong and reckless choices without considering how they impacted the people around me

but i do know i can't just go from talking about loving the doctor to trying to bed the woman that's become my closest friend here. even if i could teach you plenty about how to be with a woman

[peasant]

i understand
i don't want you to add me to a pile of choices you regret, either

you have time to decide what it is you want in your new life, whatever that ends up being
i don't think any of us are ever good at knowing what we need, though

[ even then, alina would rather suffer that uncertainty than endure the choice being made for her. she taps a finger on her knee, unsure of how to awkwardly proceed in comforting clara after that twist in the conversation, before she settles on: ]

whichever choices you do make, know that you're not alone

[bossily]

[for her part, there's absolutely no awkwardness that Clara feels. these are just normal conversations that ladies have with their close friends, she assumes.]

you have no idea how grateful i am to have you

[peasant]

i think i have some idea
cake warfare aside

[bossily]

i think we should agree to never speak of cake warfare ever again

[peasant]

fair enough
i wouldn't want to embarrass you after you suffered such an embarrassing defeat against my cake forces
i'll be sure not to mention it again

[bossily]

sorry

you think you bested me?

me, clara oswald, master of cake warfare?

[peasant]

oh, i don't think i bested you. i know i bested you
a master of cake warfare is nothing next to a goddess of cake warfare
better luck next time, mrs. doctor

[bossily]

i hope you realize those are fighting words

and i demand satisfaction

[peasant]

if you insist
shall i find you a stool so you can reach my face?

[ alina, you're only two inches taller. ]

[bossily]

i'll bring my own chair

you can't be taller than me if I knock you to the floor

[peasant]

it's going to take awhile for your small legs to scale a table if i stand on it
isn't that the equivalent of climbing a mountain for you?

[bossily]

i can be spry when i have the motivation

and right now spite is the only motivation my small legs and i need

[peasant]

is that what they're calling being a sore loser these days?
alright, defeat me if you can
but first you have to catch me 😊

[bossily]

that sounds an awfully lot like work
when i already have two other jobs here to keep up with

which reminds me
are you popping by the saloon after your performance tonight?

[peasant]

putting you to work has been my duty lately

i can find time to stop by
do you want me to bring anything?

[bossily]

it's almost as if someone's tasked you with it

bring some of those ribbons you have laying about in your dressing room

and things you don't mind betting. we're playing cards tonight

[peasant]

funny how that works out

ribbons for your hair, i'm assuming?
i suppose if we run out of things to bet, then secrets are a fair exchange for losing
fortunately for me, i picked up a few card tricks in braccia