I — yes, yes, I am married to River, was married to River, but it's — [ Complicated. And, well, she's sort of ... dead. Except she's not, not when he'd bumped into her last, and not the River on this station either.
He huffs a frustrated breath, because this is all coming out wrong, and his thoughts are all scrambled up and aren't being said properly. They're not the right words; they're not the right thoughts.
The Doctor closes his eyes, lets Clara's touch buoy him, guilty that it could soothe him so when he hardly deserves it. He's absolutely horrible at this sort of thing, and he's afraid, so desperately afraid that the wrong thing will hurt her too badly. Strange that a few adventures in each other's company could bring him to this, but there's always been something about Clara Oswald in his orbit, a mystery he needs to solve. ]
Clara — [ He starts, mouth open, but nothing comes out. Even still, she remains so strong and stoic and kind and caring, and so very frustratingly Clara, that the Doctor finds himself at a (rare) loss. ]
[There's a fond smile that takes over as he tries to explain River. She knows it's complicated, and isn't about to try and ask him to simplify it for her sake. Everything with the Doctor is complicated in one way or another, and she accepted that the second she decides to run away with him for their little adventures.
This part of things is what she signed up for too. Falling for someone isn't ever easy, particularly when it doesn't seem that those feelings are returned. But she's a big girl and isn't about to let that get in the way of their friendship. Not when he so earnestly seems to want reassurance of where they stand.]
Same place we've always been, doing the same thing we've always done.
[Her fingers curl against his cheek, palm pressing a little more firmly as if it's going to help reassure him that everything is fine.]
You'll be the Doctor, and I'll be right there at your side.
[And does it really need to be any more complicated than that? After the admission she's just dropped at his feet here, she thinks keeping it simple is the absolute best thing she could possibly do.
Her hand drops away from his cheek so she can cross her arms over her chest.]
[ It doesn't feel quite right, like whatever path they'd managed to find together despite the shift in their timelines has been pulled apart, skewing them ever-so-slightly and keeping a sort of ... gap between them. It's something he can't quite do anything about, not where he is, not when he is — and not to bring River up all over again, even in his thoughts, but it doesn't even feel unfamiliar.
It's just his life, his destiny, to always be one step ahead or one step behind those closest to him. It's safest, though, isn't it? To keep that distance, because bad things happen when he gets too close, and he's had proof of that time and time again.
His mouth quirks even when his hearts feel the dull ache and the coolness over his cheek from the absence of Clara's warmth feels just a bit like a sting.
And he nods, glancing up to meet her eyes. ]
Yes. All right, Clara Oswald. Onto our next adventure.
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no subject
He huffs a frustrated breath, because this is all coming out wrong, and his thoughts are all scrambled up and aren't being said properly. They're not the right words; they're not the right thoughts.
The Doctor closes his eyes, lets Clara's touch buoy him, guilty that it could soothe him so when he hardly deserves it. He's absolutely horrible at this sort of thing, and he's afraid, so desperately afraid that the wrong thing will hurt her too badly. Strange that a few adventures in each other's company could bring him to this, but there's always been something about Clara Oswald in his orbit, a mystery he needs to solve. ]
Clara — [ He starts, mouth open, but nothing comes out. Even still, she remains so strong and stoic and kind and caring, and so very frustratingly Clara, that the Doctor finds himself at a (rare) loss. ]
Where does this leave us now?
no subject
This part of things is what she signed up for too. Falling for someone isn't ever easy, particularly when it doesn't seem that those feelings are returned. But she's a big girl and isn't about to let that get in the way of their friendship. Not when he so earnestly seems to want reassurance of where they stand.]
Same place we've always been, doing the same thing we've always done.
[Her fingers curl against his cheek, palm pressing a little more firmly as if it's going to help reassure him that everything is fine.]
You'll be the Doctor, and I'll be right there at your side.
[And does it really need to be any more complicated than that? After the admission she's just dropped at his feet here, she thinks keeping it simple is the absolute best thing she could possibly do.
Her hand drops away from his cheek so she can cross her arms over her chest.]
Onto the next adventure, yeah?
no subject
It's just his life, his destiny, to always be one step ahead or one step behind those closest to him. It's safest, though, isn't it? To keep that distance, because bad things happen when he gets too close, and he's had proof of that time and time again.
His mouth quirks even when his hearts feel the dull ache and the coolness over his cheek from the absence of Clara's warmth feels just a bit like a sting.
And he nods, glancing up to meet her eyes. ]
Yes. All right, Clara Oswald. Onto our next adventure.