Ximilia Contact

[bossily]

// stargirl

TEXT • AUDIO • VIDEO

XIMILIA

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[peasant]

i don't see why it wouldn't?
they both love you

[bossily]

i'm quite frankly not even sure how that would work

just the sheer mechanics of it are mind boggling

[peasant]

wait
what do mechanics have to do with it
loving two people doesn't require that much preparation

well
at least i assume it doesn't

[bossily]

oh

you meant being in a relationship with the both of them

i can see how my response would be confusing

[peasant]

what else would i have
oh

[ oops. ]

not that there's anything wrong with that option either
if that's what you wanted
i'm fairly certain the mechanics of what you were thinking about are even less complicated

[bossily]

[dear god she has never blushed this hard in her entire life this is mortifying]

can we talk about you and your romantic life now?

you now know everything about mine. i know next to nothing about yours

[peasant]

don't think i'll forget about this

[ the answer is a resounding no twisting up her insides until they're a mangled mess, but. fleeing at this juncture would be too obvious, wouldn't it? ]

what could you possibly want to know about mine?

[bossily]

dunno

who it is you're kissing maybe?

[peasant]

you've already met my bullet-ridden boyfriend
his fragile pride is going to be upset if you claim it wasn't a memorable occasion

[ not exactly the answer clara was seeking, no, but it's the one alina opts for. ]

[bossily]

Rhysand?

I suppose I probably shouldn't mention how attractive he is, if you'd like to keep his pride from getting out of control

[peasant]

yes, that's him. the one and only royal rhysand
he's quite obnoxiously aware of what he looks like
you're free to mention it at the peril of his ego swelling so large it swallows the town

[bossily]

he calls me queen clara

i certainly approve of your choices

is that who you're staying with then?

[peasant]

if anyone is suited to a crown it would be you
lots of opportunities to boss your kingdom around to your heart's content 👑

as far as i know he's rooming with yelena
though i wouldn't be surprised if she's suffocated him with a pillow by now

[bossily]

wait

he's your boyfriend and you're not taking full advantage of that fact while we're here?

[peasant]

how would i take full advantage of that?
what am i supposed to be taking advantage of?

[ help. ]

they decided to room together to uphold their cover story
there's nothing wrong with that

[bossily]

never said there was

i was merely pointing out the fact that you could've enjoyed your time alone with him every night. the teasing goes both ways, Alina

[peasant]

oh

[ this is what happens when you've had all of one (true) friend to tease you in your lifetime. ]

i can assure you i don't need time alone at night to find opportunities to take full advantage of him

[bossily]

I don't think I've ever been as proud of you as I am right now

[peasant]

and why's that?

[bossily]

It's a good thing when you can take what you like without being apologetic about enjoying it.

[peasant]

[ only — there are some wants she should be ashamed of craving, some things she's taken that she should feel sickly guilty over enjoying. unseen, she pauses, mouth pursing. ]

wisdom you should follow
if i can do it so can you
probably even better than i can

[ while it's true, it's also — predictably — alina's way of rerouting this conversation away from herself and back onto clara. ]

[bossily]

[Clara easily recognizes that and lets the shift happen without protest]

Judging by the way things went with Kovacs? I'm not so sure I agree with that assertion.

[peasant]

okay, so new tactic
take what you want and enjoy it from someone who won't make it complicated?
as long as you both know what you want from it
people in the first army tumbled each other all the time without making it uncomfortable

it's really only a matter of time before the doctor realizes he's madly in love with you and comes running, anyway

[bossily]

what about you?

will you make it complicated?

[peasant]

is that what you want?

[ a rhetorical question, alina presumes, in all of its soft surprise; for all of clara's shaken insecurities, there's a momentum to her existence that seems unstoppable — aware of what she wants and barreling toward it. but it still serves as a shock to alina's system, any time she's the object of anyone's want. ]

you're my friend
you'll always be my friend
it doesn't have to be any more complicated than that

rhys allows me the freedom of being with whoever i want to be with
but i should warn you i don't know what i'm doing

[ wait — ]

with women, i mean